Hair Mare


I would like to start this testimony by stating categorically and for the record that I do not now and have not ever actively wished to have pink hair. What I was going for was an attractive and reasonably subtle burlesque-influenced couple of red stripes at the front.

Hmm, on Carnival weekend, am I making myself sound too much like a can of beer?
I was a teenager in the early 1980’s (yes, I am that old : I’ve just had an easy life) and I knew many, in that era, both girls and boys, who had to take emergency action after a disastrous experiment with the nice ‘n’ easy (Covers all grey! Not sure Blackhead or whoever,(I’ve translated) had done enough market research on their actual customer demographics). And everybody laughed. And they had to just suck it up, because they had Done Something Stupid to their hair and made themselves fair game for the mockery and derision of their peers.

And now, here I am in that exact position, thirty years on. It’s back to school next week (I’m a mum now, but still)

If you have ever read ‘The Cat in the Hat Comes Back’ by Dr Seuss this is very much akin to what it was like.  For those who don’t know the story, a quick resume ;

The two kids are at home alone while their mother has gone out. There’s no mention of a father, honestly these irresponsible single mums! The cat in the hat comes in and has a bath, leaving a big pink tide mark all round the tub. When the kids express their horror (the obviously-suffering-from-depression single mum has extreme standards of cleanliness) the cat promises to clean it off, first with the mum’s dress, then as the story progresses, the pink stain gets moved around the house getting bigger and bigger until…

I don’t want to spoil the end if you haven’t read it, and I think you get the point!

How this ‘hairsaster’ happened is that I made two elementary mistakes :

1. I forgot to take any notice of the development time (I’ve been using henna (not intravenously, though) since having a child, and a few hours more or less makes no real difference. Chemicals aren’t like that, they are scientific, precise, deadly, and need split-second timings.
2. I forgot to never use hair colour with hydrogen peroxide in, even if it is claiming to be semi-permanent.

So now, I have three big bubble-gum pink stripes on my head, which are going to fade to that washed out peroxided look I have often seen on unfortunate others, (in places like Brighton) and thought  “Why would you want your hair to be that colour?”

Well, now I know!

I have now tried to colour over it with ‘iridescent chestnut’, which apparently means purple (who knew? Although, having never actually seen an iridescent chestnut, come to think of it, they are probably purple).

And to think I was already 50% of the way towards the welcome return of my mouse-with-a-bit-of-grey natural colour.

Now what? : school starts back in one week, and all right it’s my child going back rather than me, but will I just have to face the music, and let everyone laugh at me?

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