Cat Nazis


I am in the market for a/some kittens at the moment. It is now about 7 years since my beloved cat was run over one august night. I can’t tell you her name because it will let everyone on the internet into about 35% of all my passwords everywhere. The other 75% are of course good passwords I have created, with all numbers and sh*t to make them really hard to guess, and then instantly forgotten. The fact that the more secure a password is the harder it is to remember is a glitch in the ‘system’ that ‘they’ have yet to iron out.

Anyway. Because I like to think I am a nice person (:-] I do text smileys : that’s evidence of niceness, right?) I liked the idea of getting a cat from a rescue centre, rather than buying one from an evil breeding petshop owner, so I rang my local one, and duly made an appointment with Alison, for a home visit.

She liked the flat, she approved of the lack of cat-flap (cats have to be kept in until they have been spayed and chipped), but as the conversation went on, involuntary thoughts of Cruella de Vil kept creeping in to my mind. She had big essexy eyelashes, straightened black hair, and really thin calves  : think ordinary Katie Price minus boobs.

I explained my fond and fluffy wish is to have a female kitten, and let her have one lot of kittens herself before having her spayed.( Last year my sister got into a 10-cat situation by taking her eye off the spaying ball for a few weeks, so I feel I need a strategy. ) The Cat Lady was annoyed by this, and said that people who let their cats have kittens, and selfishly give them to people as pets,  are preventing existing homeless cats from finding homes. She described the horror of female cats being raped (no I am not exaggerating, that is what she said) by horrible diseased tomcats, who bite their necks (a fan of ‘True Blood’ I’m thinking) and give them Feline HIV, and then leave them, broken and alone, with whole families of kittens to bring up. Then they come back and do it again, as soon as the kittens are weaned. I was thinking ‘Tory Voter’ also at this point, because of this scenario of the cat equivalent of young single mums and feckless single dads, bleeding the state dry, obviously.

At this point, you have to look at the kitten picture again, or indeed any picture of any kittens you get on a google image search to understand why I was sufficiently repelled to have dubbed her organisation the Cat Nazis (also, there is a whole final solution thing going on with the chipping and spaying ; if you don’t comply, they come round and arrest your pet, and you can’t have it back out of prison until it is neutered and spayed). I uttered the , I thought, rather anodyne remark that ‘kittens are nice’, but she didn’t agree : ‘I don’t know why people like kittens, i think they are destructive (she wanted to say ‘evil’) : the kind of cats I like are the old ones : you get them spayed, and then all they want to do it just eat and sleep. I suddenly thought of her working in an old people’s home, and about how many of those in ‘caring’ professions are really control freaks (it’s a hypothesis!), and ushered her out, promising to ring “in a week or so”, and was just thankful she was directing her energies at cats not people.

So ; anybody got a cute tabby female about ten weeks old that needs a home?

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